Nowadays adolescents and Parenting unconditionally really
Photo 1. The love of parents between children is eternal love made up of love-bonding.
At Buyeo Public Park, Korea (Sculptor Unknown).
Copyright ⓒ 2020 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
The situation of adolescents in recent years has been good in many ways compared to the past few decades ago, but in general, there are worse and too bad for some. Alcohol drinking, smoking, habitual substance abuse, criminal behavior, violent behavior, bullying, teasing, decreased academic achievement, adolescent runaway, sexual values denial, teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, selfishness, economic dependence on parents, depression, suicide and other problems of adolescents continue to grow.
Outright rebellion against the guidance and training of parents and authorities are prevailing.
Many adolescents are helpless and apathetic.
Some of the adolescents express their anger through destructive behavior through passive-aggressive behavior.
At school, violence and bullying express their anger in their lives.
They destroy themselves, destroy and disrupt homes, schools and society.
Most adolescents don’t know how to properly express their anger.
Unfortunately, some of the parents do not teach their children how to properly express their anger while their children are growing up, neither in school nor in-home for growing children.
Neither many parents nor teachers, nor the leaders of members of society know how to properly express anger.
Also, even adolescents nowhere learn how to properly express their anger.
Perhaps that is why most adolescents express their anger through “passive-aggressive behavior,” which is the worst way to express anger.
Most of the passive-aggressive behavior is destructive, antisocial, illegal and self-destructive.
The results are disastrous.
Suicide is a type of passive-aggressive behavior that is one of the typical ways to express anger.
Bullying, commonly seen at home, at work, and at school, is also a kind of passive-aggressive behavior that arises from expressing anger.
These problems can be seen in not only the adolescents themself, but in also their parents, family, school, society, and the country.
Why?
It is difficult to pinpoint the cause of the problem related to adolescent children.
The causes of their problems and the limits of responsibility are in the adolescent children themselves, but also with their parents, teachers, society, and the country.
The causes of some problems related to adolescent children could be simple, but many are complex.
The problems of adolescent children can be originated from the adolescent children themselves, their natural personality, and the interests of their family, parents, society, and the country.
The problems of the adolescent can be caused by the adolescent child’s own fault, or their mental and physical illness, the wrong parenting and education by his parents, and also sometimes both the adolescent child himself and his parents may be in trouble at fault.
The quality of life of some adolescent children can be influenced by their innate temperament,
and how happy the marriage of their parents is, and how smooth and stable are they,
also, It is affected by the method of raising children, raising and training children, a social state in which adolescent children live
It is affected by the mental, emotional, and economic status of the country’s older generation.
Today, adolescent children live in a cyber world.
Some of them just take a lot of information at face value in newspapers, magazines, TV, Internet, video, iPhone, iPod, Apple TV, iTunes, whether harmful or harmless, profitable or not, including information about promiscuous sex, teenage violence, binge drinking, substance abuse, suicide, house Intrusion, rebellion against the authority, rebellion against parents, golden universalism, material civilization prevails, mysm (a doctrine that individual self-interest only), anti-ethical behaviors and impulses that adolescent do not care of he even parents, siblings, and neighbors, malicious propaganda and/or intrigue intentional lies, and It is exposed relentlessly to the hate.
They act and speak without changing their faces as they see, hear, and learn.
They are easily dazzled by negative and anti-humanistic information.
In addition, the marriage of their parents is neither happy nor smooth in the many cases.
In general, their parents may have many problems such as financial problems, divorce, or living separated.
Either one of the parents has died. Or for some reason, some adolescents grow up under a single house head.
Most adolescent children do not feel they are raised with full genius unconditional love from their parents.
In addition, nowadays they are difficult to find spiritual leaders who will lead the way.
These days, the US divorce rate is over 40% and Korea is said to do more than that.
As a result, the sweet home, shelter, and basic foundation of life for our children and adolescents, especially adolescents, are being shaken.
Some parents spend time with ludicrously expensive food, drinking, dancing at various gatherings such as wedding banquets, party gatherings, and classmates’ gatherings, and many children and young children are at home by themselves alone. Often, adolescent children spend time by themselves without parents, or adult protectors, or leaders.
For one reason or another, in particular, the foundations of the lives of some adolescent children are in a state of instability and even running into a state of destruction.
Nowadays, there is a saying that “children’s college entrance divorce”.
Children are absolutely in need of their parents’ mental, emotional and even spiritual support and help, guidance, and love until they are born and grown up in this world to form a happy family independent from their parents, and sometimes even after that.
After young adult children who have graduated from high school and then entered college, they also want to continue to receive support from their parents and genuine unconditional love. They absolutely need more than ever to have parents who, even independent young adults, can constantly care for, guide, and train them.
Also, some of them hope to get financial help from their parents as well.
Most of the young adult children want to enjoy the most stable mental, emotional, and spiritual life.
In order to achieve that goal, parental advice and guidance are needed not only during adolescence but also in young adulthood after puberty.
It is extremely desirable that these young adult children often return to their parents for emotional help.
Photo 3-213. Children who have grown up with full and unconditional true love do their best to love themselves, to love others, and whatever they do. Even from childhood to adulthood, they live with healthy sound pride and confidence. Copyright ⓒ 2020 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Parents should be on standby so that these young adult children can come to their parents at any time without hesitation when they need emotional, sometimes mental, or financial assistance. Nevertheless, some parents made “divorce of their children into college entrance .”
In addition, the world today is highly mechanized and a nuclear family.
There are also problems in setting the direction of home education and children rearing.
Economic problems that occur in most families can lead to problems for adolescent children.
Parents’ prevalence of selfishness, lack of values of ethics and morality, wrong child love and training methods, and lack of dialogue between parents and children can be the root causes of adolescent problems.
Of course, later on, the mental and physical problems of adolescent children can be the cause of their problems during adolescence.
Some parents nurture their children and adolescents with possessive love like things they own.
They are also sexually impulsive to their children and nurture them through seductive love.
To accomplish their dreams which could not be achieved in parent’s past life, some parents nurture their children with vicarious love, tempting them so that they can fulfill their dreams.
Some adolescents don’t know what modesty, humility, frugality, humility, politeness, and greetings are.
Even in interpersonal relationships, it is easy to live a miserable social life because it is only at that time and they do not know anything related to future relationships.
Among the causes of various problems in adolescent children described above, the main cause of adolescent’s problem nowadays is family breakdown, and the failure to give true love and raise children without unconditional real love.
While we all live in this world, we often say “I love my children, I love my children,” and in fact, most parents don’t know what love really means.
I sometimes have held seminars on the subject of “love for children.”
A wise woman asked me, “Where are parents who don’t know how to love their children?”
There are too many parents who raise their children without studying on the love of children and not knowing what love of children is.
It is known that by sending the just–deliver- the baby-mother to postpartum cooking centers, San-hu-choriwon instead to send to sweet home. It is known that parent is sending their children to daycare centers, nursery schools, kindergartens, schools, and academies and children learn the basics of humanity, the intellectual character is the best for children welfare.
Many parents do not know how to love their children in any way. Most of the parents do not know how to convey their children’s love through eye contact love, physical contact love, focus attention love, and care. There are many teachers and parents who argue that their children should be trained with corporal punishment rather than with love.
During a seminar on the love of children, some parents asked me, “Where are the parents who do not know how to raise and love their children?”
We must always be in a learning attitude.
The author was also one of the parents who raised three children without knowing how to properly love my children.
I raised three children without knowing what unconditional love is, true love, or possessive love, and so on.
The Boy with his mother at High School graduation
During 18 years of elementary, middle, and high school education, no one taught me what love is and how to express anger. So I couldn’t learn.
I have tried to provide food, shelter, and clothes to my children from birth from pregnancy, labor, and childbirth, treat diseases well, provide adequate vaccination to prevent infectious diseases, prevent safety accidents, and buy toys. Satisfying and nurturing children by giving them enough pocket money, helping them grow up with joy and enjoyment, eating well-balanced foods, providing adequate clothing and shelter, providing good school education, and taking extracurricular activities as needed. Most parents know that these are all about loving their children. This makes sense.
It is the love of parents to raise their children by satisfying the health, food, clothes, and comfortable shelter.
However, one of the essentials is missing above.
To give genuine real unconditional love to children with listed above is not enough.
There’s one more thing to do besides what’s missing there.