There are no parents who give a stone to their children when they were asked for the bread.
If children ask for fish, parents will not give vipers to their children.
Of course not.
Parents will give their children nutritious and delicious bread and fruit and will give enough fish to their children.
Parents truly love and nurture their children.
Our parents love and raise their children a lot.
However, most children do not feel they are raised and loved enough by their parents.
Why is that so?
Parents think that they love and raise their children, but almost all parents do not know how to properly convey their love for their children.
Why is that so?
Parents love their children, but they do not know how to convey their love for their children to them.
That is why, unfortunately, many children do not feel that they are loved enough by their parents.
In addition, it was taught to raise your children with strict discipline.
“You have to train your children through corporal punishment, so they can get well trained.” Highly educated. At school, teachers taught students severely and unilaterally.
Neither at school nor at home regularly taught them how to properly love their children or how to properly raise them.
Most young people marry without learning how to love their children properly.
And they give birth to and raise children.
They haven’t learned that their children are at the forefront priority of their lives.
No matter where in the world they live, many parents today have this problem.
Photo 16.The children receive more true love from their parents, the better.
Children who receive such love are happier and more confident. Whatever they do, they
do their best and live with sound healthy self-esteem and pride.
Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 17. Children who grow up with full unconditional true love, themselves know how to love others, feel comfortable and sincere, they do their best and grow up happily. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 18. Children who grow up with full unconditional true love life with a wholesome and rich sense of pride. Whatever they see, they see right, whatever they hear, hear right, think right about anything, and act right. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Dear parents!
Parents, do you know what questions their growing children often ask their parents?
“Do you love me?”
Do you love me?
They repeat this question again.
“Do you love me?”
They ask the same question over and over again and again.
Mom and dad!
Do you love me?
Do you truly love me without condition?
“Do you really love me?”
“Please love me unconditionally?
Mom and Dad!
Show me, unconditional true love?”
Mom and Dad!
Please love me with eye contact love?
How much did you love me with eye contact love?
Mom and dad!
How many times have you hugged me, how much lifted me, stroked me, touched me, and raised me in love?
Mom, Dad, me, honor, wealth, work, money. What is your first priority in your life?
How many priorities do my mom and dad have before me?
Am I at first in mom and dad’s life priorities?
Is it in the second?
Or is it in the third?
I want to know.
Am I the next priority after mom or dad?
After mom, dad, honor, fortune, am I in your priority?
So, are you saying that mom and dad put wealth more than me, honor more than me, and companies more important than me?
Then I am anxious.
I have heartache.
I am not happy.
Mom and dad!
Have you ever thought of me as the most important person or the most important child in the world in your lives?
Mom and dad!
While living in this extremely active world, mom and dad take time to bring me alone to go somewhere, I think that I am the most precious and important child in the world, and they love me with focused attentive love and care, and we both spend for at least a few hours or a few days. Have you ever spent time with your mother or your dad?
In this busy world, how many times have you put everything aside and took one of your children alone to go somewhere to entertain your child, give your child so much focused attention love, and care, and take care of your child?
Please answer me?
Mom and dad!
Have mom and dad ever raised me like your property?
Did you know that I am an independent human being in this world?
Although I am small and young, do you respect and nurture me as an independent human being?
Mom and dad!
Do you know what love means?
Did you know that “warm behavior and heart for caring for others” is love?
Nevertheless, have you ever raised me by possessing me and you love me as if you own me, have you ever loved me through a role reversal way, and have you ever loved me seductively?
Mom and dad!
Have you ever loved me conditionally?
No matter how hard I try, I can’t achieve the first ranking in school, but you promise that you’ll buy my favorite violin only when I take first place, where to spend, and do you know that such love and parenting are conditional love?
What should I do when I receive conditional love from you?
Will I treat you, my mom and dad, conditionally just like the conditional love that your mom and dad do for me?
Mom and dad!
Did you know that I am anxious when I do at my best but I don’t meet my mom and dad’s expectations?
Mom and dad!
Do you know what is unconditional love?
Mom and dad!
Do you know what is true love without conditions?
Like the unconditional love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, do you love me and raise me?
Such love is perfect love.
Have you ever loved me so close to it, even if you can’t necessarily give it such a perfect love?
Whether I’m tall or short, fat or slim, ugly or handsome and pretty, crippled or not, whether I’m immature and my actions are right. Whether Mom and Dad like or not, whether I’m smart or stupid, dull or witty, do you love me regardless of the conditions?
During the 2008 U.S. presidential race, vice-presidential candidate, Alaska Governor Farin showed eight-month old Down syndrome son to the people of the United States and all over the world and she hugged him with one arm and gave unconditional love for him.
Mom and dad!
Whether or not I can grow up to be a famous athlete in the world, whether my business is well and become a millionaire, are you unconditionally loving me, whether I am a daughter or a son?
When I was born with Down syndrome, can you love and raise me without condition?
Can you proudly present me to this world, saying that I am a stupid child of mom and dad?
Mom and dad!
Are you loving me without condition?
That doesn’t mean that my mom and dad should just go over what I do or say wrong.
If you truly love me without conditions, you must correct me if I did wrongdoings with love.
Mom and dad!
I really know it’s not easy to be a parent.
My mom and dad!
Do you love me without condition and raise me, give me the strength to live happily, securely, and peacefully, I can make it easy to get along with my friends, If you give me the strength to treat people well, and I will do my best to live in this world. Did you know that you are giving me the power to let go?
Mom and dad!
Have you ever wonder what kind of love I received from mom and dad when I grew up?
Mom and dad!
Did you know that only when I receive true unconditional love through your eye contact love, physical contact love, focused attention love and care, my children can become the best, do their best, and work well in parenting training?
Do you know what can be to live with healthy self-esteem and and sound pride?
Mom and dad!
Do you know that you have a duty to love your children in that way and that children have the right to receive that love?
Mom and dad!
Did you know that training is to train your children to walk the path they deserve through examples, admonitions, words, requests, and writings?
Do you know the meaning of training?
Did you know that it is training to lead your children with love so that they can think right and do right so that they can become productive members of society who know how to govern themselves?
Mom and dad!
Did you know that training should be done with love?
Still, why are they trained through corporal punishment?
Mom and dad!
Do you know that some parents rationalize their mistakes before their younger children?
Did you know that there are no perfect people in the world, no perfect children, and also no perfect parents?
Do mom and dad know how important it is to apologize when parents do wrong to their children?
Still, do you know that some parents use the word “love sticks” to punish their children with love sticks?
Did you know that corporal punishment is corporal punishment and love is love?
Mom and dad!
I am still growing one day by one day and am still a child.
Because I’m still a young immature child, I behave like a young immature child, but as I gradually grow up and become an adult.
Photo 19. If you truly love me unconditionally, even if I have such a mess around the house, I can grow up judging well and acting maturely. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Picture 20. Even if I can’t eat cleanly and quietly like adults, if you love and raise me without condition, I will eat politely and quietly. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 22. Even if you play with kitchen utensils like a naughty boy, if I grow up, I will behave maturely and talk and play maturely. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 21. Even if I play with a doghouse like a naughty boy, if you truly love me without conditions, I will grow up and behave maturely. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Photo 23. Training is done with love. When training with love, you must first ask him to do this, and if he or she does not respond, you must consider whether the training is appropriate for the child. In the meantime, parents should think about whether he has been truly loved, raised, and trained with unconditional. Parents should reevaluate he is ok for mentally, physically, economically, and spiritually. If parents have done something wrong, parents should accept the fact, should not hesitate to tell your child that you have done wrong, and love and train them without condition. And if the petition is not appropriate, it must be changed and trained accordingly. Copyright 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MDP, FAA
Photo 26. Prince Edward Island Ferry Lighthouse in Canada to Nova Scotia, US.
Like a lighthouse to help rhe sailor how to navigate safely in the ocean in a dark-black night, unconditional love illuminates parents with the way to raise their children rightly. Copyright ⓒ 2012 John Sangwon Lee, MD., FAAP
Mom and dad!
When you do training me wth love to have nice behave and speak the right way, you give me the first plea, and if I receive the right plead and I do not comply, please check whether I am hungry, sick, incapable of carrying out your plea, whether your plea is inappropriate at the time or place, etc. I would like to ask if you would like to re-evaluate it.
Mom and dad!
Are you filling my love tank sufficiently with unconditional true love?
Did you know that only doing so will give me more nutrients and energy in my life, so I am better prepared to work on my mom and dad’s training?
When children grow up, parents train their children by filling their love tanks enough with the focused attention love and eye contact love and physical contact with true love, That is essential for growing children and becomes energy and nourishment in life.
Did you know that all children have love tanks in the heart? When their love tanks become to be filled fully and parents don’t need to train them on command or train them as punishment.
Mom and dad!
Did you know that children are born with 9 different temperaments from birth?
Each child grows up with a unique temperament according to the level of the nine natural temperaments. It is important for parents to raise their children while respecting each child’s innate temperaments.
Did you know that there are some children who are difficult to raise because of their natural temperament, no matter how well they train and try to raise them well while growing up?
Mom and dad!
If children who are mature enough to fulfill their parents’ request and have the ability to fulfill the parental request, children do not accept the parental training request when it is given an appropriate request during training, parents may sternly order to do so and will comply with the order.
Did you know that if they don’t comply, then you can train it as a punishment or the behavior modification training method?
Mom and dad!
When you are punishing children, did you know that the amount and method of punishment must be different depending on the child’s age and situation?
For example, if a 6-year-old child does not comply with the parent’s orders, a time-out may be a good punish method.
Staying alone in the room for about 6 minutes is appropriate for that age, and also a punishment for not watching TV for a day or two, or a day or two with a friend is appropriate. And you can punish them by preventing them from playing together.
Mom and dad!
If you give your children a lot of unconditional true love, there is no need to punish them. Did you know that they can behave well on their own and be good at parents’ training?
Mom and dad!
Did you know that corporal punishment once received is a training method that is irreversible and can damage the relationship between parents and children, and that the consequences of corporal punishment are bad? And it is a training method that should not be used to raise children through corporal punishment?
Did you know you shouldn’t train with corporal punishment?
Mom and dad.
Did you know that your children are younger, the easier it is to communicate with them if parents properly give them more physical contact love and eye contact love, and children are better able to follow parental training and also parents can raise them more easily?
Some people say that they will become spoiled children if they are more nurtured with physical contact love, such as holding child more, touching them with warm hands, kissing their cheeks, and others. Some people think that children should not be raised in such a way.
That’s not right.
Did you know that it is not wrong to raise your children with proper eye contact love, physical contact, etc?
If you raise a child without saying, “I love you,” neither hugging nor kissing, the child will not know if their parents really love him, and if trained in corporal punishment, they will become anxious and desperate children.
Children who are not well-loved and trained will rebel against every request and every order of their parents.
Let’s raise our children with true unconditional love.
Dear parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
The following is an example of the internet pediatric and adolescent health counseling question and answer on “Unconditional Love and focused attention Love”.
Q & A. Unconditional love with focused attention love
Q.This is about an 11-year-old girl.
I have three daughters. The eldest child is 11 years old, the second is 9 years old, and the youngest is about 9 months old.
However, I am very worried about my oldest child, so I am writing like this.
Her personality is not very active. However, I don’t think she has not been bullied in school. Sometimes friends come to play and talk about close friends. Before, she attended an art academy, and from the fourth grade, she went to a private piano academy. And she attended such an academy because they wanted to do it.
She is dexterous, but she is good at folding papers and making funny toys. She played the piano well and the progress was so fast.
But her activity is too slow. It wasn’t due to on purpose, it was originally. Everything is not fast, and I have to ask her to write a diary. She promised me she would do it by herself and then she would not do it.
She does not have proper toilet training. It’s been a while since she was in the 3rd grade. She used to hold urination for long time and then she did not get to the bathroom, but she got it on her underwear pant and It was a bad smell. I tried scolding, and I said it would cause illness, but sometimes I tried leaving it alone, but it didn’t work much. The bathroom at home is conventional, but the school is flush. Even at home, she goes only when she was in a hurry, so sometimes she can’t move around because it’s too urgent. What should I do? Should I go to the hospital to see the doctor and get a consultation?
It’s not that she can’t have a toilet. she did like to go for a pee, so should I have to wait. To me, I am so worried that it has become a habit to be patient. Isn’t that the usual slow and self-doing personality? When I talk, it seems like she go to the bathroom properly for a day or two. When she was a baby, I never scolded her for urine problems, did I cause her problems. I trained her bowel movements after her second birthday and she did bowel movement toilet training in two weeks. You must be busy, but please give me a good word for this ignorant mother.
If you cannot help me, but if I have to go to the hospital, please tell me where to go.
If not, please name one of the Pediatric Psychiatric clinic in Seoul, so I would really appreciate it if you could say anything.
Thank you for reading this long article and be healthy. Thank you.
A. To Dear mom
Hello. Thanks for the great question.
The more information I know about your child’s age, gender, past medical history, family medical history, medical examination findings, clinical examination, etc., the more helpful it is to give you an answer. I will respond based on the information you provided.
I am sorry you have been suffering from her problem.
It would be nice to know more about your child’s growth and development, know her past medical history, a medical examination finding and any clinical lab tests.
How about doing something like this.
Go to the Pediatric clinics nearby and tell them everything that you told me, and ask for a head-to-toe physical examination to find whether there are any abnormalities in her body.
When physicians do regular health check-ups for girls, boys, or adolescent boys and physicians usually give also an external genital examination. Therefore, your child’s pediatrician will also properly examine your child’s external genitalia. Also, she must have a total physical examination. If necessary, she should also have an anal examination.
And do the following clinical lab tests.
If any girls have symptoms such as your child’s symptoms, it is better to have the lab test result for a urinary tract infection.
In addition, constipation can also cause such symptoms that you child has.
With a urine chemistry test, you can easily find in in 5 minutes the result whether she may have pyuria, hematuria, or bacteriuria in her urine.
These tests can be easily done at the local pediatric clinic, and also parents too can do the tests at home.
Also, to find out if she has a urinary tract infection, ask her doctor to do a urine gram stain, microscopic bacteriological test, and urine bacterial culture test.
If the test results are normal, her doctor may assume that such signs and symptoms are most likely not due to urination problems or urinary tract infection problems.
She should also have a CBC blood test to see if she may have anemia and other problems.
If any children with hypothyroidism may behave somewhat slower.
So ask for a thyroid function test to find thyroid problem status.
Sometimes two ureters come out from one kidney and one of them connects to the urethra below the bladder. In some cases of double ureter malformations, the end of one of the three ureters may open into the vaginal cavity.
Children with this deformity can have the urine little by little at all times.
Ask for a detailed examination of the external genital organs to see if there is such an abnormality.
Also, please lit a lamp to find out if there is any abnormality at the entrance to the external urethra or vaginal orifice of your daughter’s external genitalia, and see if urine continuously come out one drop by drops.
If you suspect that she has a urinary tract infection or any congenital malformation of the urinary tract, such as a double ureter, try an ultrasound examination of the kidney, the ureter, and the bladder and urethra.
If the results of all of the above tests are normal, you should suspect that your child may have a mental problem.
If she has a mental problem, it is advisable to seek a referral from her regular pediatrician and see a pediatric psychiatrist.
There are the adolescents who do have bedwet problem and soiling even if there is no physical abnormality or mental problems, and also they may have urinary incontinence in the day and night.
Since such kind of problems may come unconsciously, parents should not punish children who have such a problem.
I can help you a few things, so please accept it.
Whether there is a mental problem or not, have her father takes her to either the theater, to the park, or to a restaurant, or they may go on a trip. Her father make her to be the most important loving child in the world.
This kind of love is called focused attention love and care.
It takes a lot of time to give this focused attention love.
Time is money. If parents spend money to love their children, it’s worth it.
Not only that, during this kind of love given to their children, the children will appreciate that parents love them this way, and children too will love parents and respect them and sometimes parents treat their children as their friends.
At this time, the child will tell her father about the stress, suffering, and conflict that she had deeply held in her heart. In the beginning, she may speak carefully. In the times passing by, she will be able to say everything kept in her heart.
This is what our parents want.
You have the opportunity to seriously engage in conversations between you and your children while you are giving focused attention love. Focused attention love and care are one kind of the most sincere ways to love your children.
At this point, you may be able to find out why such symptoms are occurring and the cause. Sometimes, instead of a dad, a mom can do the same for focused attention love, and care.
We know that just as parents give our children the best food, so children want to do their best.
Please re-evaluate whether you truly loved your child with eye contact love and physical contact love unconditionally, whether you gave love training, and whether training through corporal punishment.
If you have more questions, please contact me again.